Soft Power » Desires

5 Leadership Power Principles!

admin — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 21:43:35 +0000

95% of Workers Fail Because of This…But They Can Fix It

Did you know that your career success is based on your
mastery of one important skill?

Failure to apply your leadership power usually prevents you
from realizing success in the workplace.

The organizational chart may not show you as a leader but
you can act like a leader if you choose to do so.

Leadership power is the primary cause of successful
outcomes, great achievements and evolutionary progress.

Most people think only executives, presidents and generals
possess any leadership power but the facts reveal another
truth – power is held by those who know where to obtain it
and how to share it with others.

The problem with many of us is this – we need to learn how
to empower our skills, enhance our competence and energize
our leadership power.

Power Principle 1 – Invest in your Infrastructure!

Your infrastructure contains the elements that will make
leadership power available to you. You must invest the time
and effort needed to build a strong, capable infrastructure.

=> Element-1 – MODEL SUCCESS – study the leadership methods
of great leaders

=> Element-2 – BE EAGER TO LEARN NEW THINGS – purchase
leadership skills training courses, materials or books

=> Element-3 – APPRECIATE YOURSELF – start recording your
thoughts, feelings, desires and experiences in a journal or
diary

=> Element-4 – HARMONIZE YOUR MIND – meet with like-minded
people who want to improve their leadership skills, talents
and behaviors

=> Element-5 – BE WILLING TO SERVE – begin to act like a
leader by serving the needs of others through community
service, teaching or by taking responsibility for removing
someone else’s burdens

Power Principle-2 – See Hope in Visionary Ways!

You can inspire people to act out of their fears or hopes.
It is your choice – you can use worry or faith to make
people respond to your leadership.

However, I put it to you, which path do you think is more
effective, more likely to lead to good things? History has
shown us that the best course of action is always based on
hope, faith or love.

Leaders must craft a vision of what hope will look like when
it becomes a tangible reality. Your statement of hope should
include something tangible, specific, measurable,
attainable, realistic, hopeful, enthusiastic and empowering.

There are many examples of visionary leadership at its most
inspiring best. Your vision should strive to be positive and
vivid to others and worthy of pursuit by them, otherwise
they might not be moved to follow your lead.

Nobel Peace Laureate, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.,
positively expressed his hope as being the time when,

“…we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every tenement and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s
children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles,
Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and
sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, “Free at last,
free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last.”

Power Principle-3 – Strategies are for Drivers!

Strategy is for those leaders who yearn to get there! Your
vision may sound pretty and look nice but without a vehicle
you won’t be able to take your vision on that special date.

Your leadership power gets most of its energy from a
strategy that just begs to be driven. Your strategy can help
you sustain the momentum and force of your vision.

In my time, I’ve seen plenty of ugly cars, trucks and trains
but they all had one thing in common – they would take you
wherever you wanted to go and could make the journey of
getting there just as exciting, memorable and comfortable as
any roadway beauty.

You will need to drive your strategy

=> by steering towards your stretch goals,

=> by filling-up with the right resources,

=> by using a roadmap to navigate through the thorny areas

=> by measuring the effectiveness of its progress and
execution.

Power Principle-4 – Do You Speak The Language?

Are your words doing the job they need to do? Are your
thoughts reaching out to connect with their hearts and
minds? Do you appreciate their uniqueness, commitment and
contributions?

There is a certain magic which happens when our words
accomplish their purpose. To create the Universe, God said,
“Let there be light”, and there was light!

Our words have the power to create or destroy – we must
understand that the words we speak have the ability to bring
life or death to the situation.

Ideas, procedures, opinions, facts and dreams are
reflections of our thoughts. We think therefore we are who
we are. Leaders use the language of meanings, beliefs and
feelings to connect with and compliment the hearts and minds
of people.

Studies on motivation reveal humans are hungry for
recognition and acceptance. The easiest way to motivate a
person is based on your continual, sincere and realistic
show of appreciation for their talents, achievements,
good-faith efforts and positive attitude.

Power Principle-5 – Be Congruent, Consistent, Cooperative!

There is something off-beat, brittle and frail about a
building that is missing key parts of its structure – a
broken roof, steel bars sticking out of the walls, crumbling
foundation can make you wonder how or why the building is
still standing.

Congruency is the state effective leaders try to maintain in
their actions -

=> they line-up their actions with their words,

=> they link their values to their behaviors,

=> their attitudes are in-sync with their conversations

Consistency is judged by your performance over time -

=> Do you always apply the same standards to everyone?

=> Do you usually make your decisions based on all the
available facts?

=> Do you appear to act and behave in the same ways you do
when facing similar kinds of situations?

Cooperative people know that using honey captures more
flies! To win over people to your point of view, your
history of respecting, valuing and working with their
desires, differences and decisions goes a long way in
gaining their cooperation with your plans.

Great leaders have always cooperated with people by

=> Asking for their opinions, thoughts and experiences

=> Listening to them, showing understanding by summarizing
their statements

=> Incorporating their ideas, beliefs and meanings into the
leader’s statements [using the more powerful pronoun, "we"
to express those ideas and decisions]

————————————————————

Do you agree that these 5 principles can energize your
leadership power? Regardless of your job title or formal
authority, using all five will increase your power and
effectiveness in your workplace, home and community.

In my life, I have found that these principles do add
considerable influence to my ideas and dreams. People tell
others that

=> I can be trusted to do the right thing,

=> I always gather the right people together to get the job
done in an harmonious manner and

=> My ideas and feelings are exact reflections of their own
beliefs and meanings

You can put these principles to work because each one uses
your own unique talents, efforts and resources.

Take advantage of Internet research and educational
materials, visit other offices, volunteer your time to a
worthy cause, take an online training course or two,
practice the art of leadership on your friends, family and
colleagues at work.

You can become a more powerful leader starting right where
you are – you can start today.

“I am personally convinced that one person can be a change
catalyst, a “transformer” in any situation, any
organization. Such an individual is yeast that can leaven an
entire loaf. It requires vision, initiative, patience,
respect, persistence, courage, and faith to be a
transforming leader.”

Dr. Stephen R. Covey, author of, “The Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People” and other titles.

Can you see yourself acting as a powerful, transforming and
enriching leader? Can you use the Principles of Power to
increase your influence and effectiveness? Can you be all
that you can be and share that power with the world?

You can learn more about this subject by reading our ‘blog’: Leadership skills training & development for creating energy!

Leadership skills training & development for creating energy!

I know you can do it all and do it well and do it with your
own personal style – please let me know when you begin the
journey and I’ll send you a letter of congratulations.

Copyright

Help, My Spouse Is Into Kinky Sex!

admin — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 01:30:26 +0000

Below is one of the questions people ask me often. The situation is one that is not uncommon when it comes to erotic power exchange: one of the partners wants it, the other doesn’t. Hopefully this question and answer will help others.

The Question

“I am looking for information that might cover the troubles that crop up in a relationship, particularly in a marriage, when one partner reveals his/her tendencies towards BDSM. I am the vanilla spouse of a man who believes he is dominant. We have been married eight years, and until about two years ago, I had no clue he had such interests. We have done some experimentation since he “came out,” but I do not find any of it appealing at all. It’s possible that the circumstances of some of our encounters turned me off to it all, but trust me, the turn off is permanent.

I have read a ton of information on this issue, have read stories, have talked to both dom(me)s and subs, have talked with my husband, etc. I’m one of those poor dull saps who just doesn’t get it.

My husband and I have reached a point in our marriage where he has decided that he needs to shelve his BD notions. About a week ago, the issue was whether I was the stronger pull or BD was the stronger pull. When I began talking about taking some time off from the marriage to give him a chance to sort out his feelings (it’s tough being married for eight years and realizing that you might not be picked), he said, adamantly, that he would put aside his feelings for BDSM and focus on the marriage.

It seems that our options are: he shelves his desires; I try to figure out a way to play with him (not going to happen); we negotiate a way for him to seek another “play” partner (this makes me whoozy because I understand the emotional involvement necessary and don’t think I can cope); we split up and he pursues his needs without the baggage of a vanilla spouse (not a terribly happy solution considering I love this little guy).

My question is, how likely is it that these feelings will surface in the future and cause him more conflict? We have discussed the possibility of his finding a sub and having a “no sex” relationship with her. But a number of things are a problem with that possibility. No. 1, I believe that erotic power exchange, whether it involves intercourse or not, is a form of sex (in other words, I am terminally monogamous). I’m sorry if I’m repeating myself. No. 2, he doesn’t want to “soil” the marriage with his needs (would rather divorce than soil it, I suspect). No. 3, he can’t find a partner.

Anyway, if you know of any resources, people, articles, books, organizations, angels, fairy godmothers, ANYONE or ANYTHING that might help me come up with some answers on this, I would be so grateful that I would — well, I don’t know what. I’m at a point where I’m struggling issues of trust, betrayal (of self and spouse), fear, etc. I looked through your listing of books and articles and didn’t see anything that looked even remotely helpful.

I apologize for the intimate and personal tone of this e-mail, but I am rather desperate. We are about to seek counseling (ug! but it’s necessary), but something tells me that I will find no answers there, that the focus will be on why he is the way he is. I AM grateful to have found your website. The listing of stages is MOST enlightening.”

My answer

Thank you for bringing up the question, because it is one many people have problems with. Let us start with saying that erotic power exchange emotions are not likely to disappear. Although science still has not determined exactly what determines our sexual preferences, it is becoming apparant that at least a substantial part of it is genetically encoded. Your husband is obviously facing a huge personal problem (and as a result so are you) that is not an easy nut to crack. Even though he may probably try to shelf his emotions for now, they are very likely to pop up again in the future and it is not unlikely they will become stronger, since he may try to shelf his emotions; the basic feelings and the fantasies will still be there. That brings a lot of strain in your relationship, no doubt.

There is very little or no literature on this. It boils down to incompatibality of partners (which is not uncommon – with or without erotic power exchange).

Having said this, the situation is probably not completely hopeless. We’ll get to that in a minute. First however another warning. You are very right in saying that erotic power exchange (even without “the act”) is a form of sexuality, hence there is indeed no erotic power exchange without sex. Having a play partner outside the relationship is a form many find to cope with problems like these. Does that work? Usually not. There are a couple of risks involved in such a set up:

* the erotic power exchange will bring out feelings and emotions between the two playing. Emotions that weren’t there before – at least not in a “live” situation. The play partners are very likely to bond, the non-playing spouse will feel left out and the other will be torn between two different people he (as in this case) shares his emotions with;

* “play without sex” is what many people will suggest to start with. You can take our word for it that some sort of “active sex” will evolve soon, since the tension built up in active play requires a release AND builds up sexual needs;

* since erotic power exchange to most people are very dear, personal and treasured emotions, sharing them with someone will automatically lead to a special bond that will grow and things that should not be in there will also slip in, even if the play partners sincerely do not want that to happen.

Hence, unless you find a commercial play partner (prostitute, which in this case is very unlikely because there are very little sub-prostitutes) you pay for playing but do do build up any “relationship” with, the risks of such a solution are huge. And you are right, you would have to agreee to all this too and cope with it.

Now, to the question, is this hopeless? Probably not. Without even knowing about exactly what has happened between the two of you so far it is likely things have started on the wrong foot and your husband is asking too much. Even without the specific dominant/submissive dynamics there are very little women that will not be attracted to “exciting” eroticism and sexuality (even though you may have to accept yourself and your desires first). Mind you, we are not going to throw the “you are submissive but you don’t know that yet” routine on you, because that is nonsense.

However, do try and envisage the following situation: you are blindfolded (with something soft like silk) and all he does is carress you, arouse you, kiss you all over, maybe tickle you a bit and undertakes every effort to seduce you. No whips, no ropes and cuffs, no heavy leather stuff, just a blindfold, maybe a glass of wine, candle light, soft music, comfort, enjoyment and MOST IMPORTANTLY, no stress. Just pure and simple enjoyment. Chances are you’d like that very much and this IS an erotic power exchange setting where you leave it to him to work his butt off to seduce you, while he will be the one that has the initiative and these are exactly the dynamics that we are really talking about.

Something like the above – and please take out the strain and the stress, forget about being called slave, calling him master or anything, forget about the fact that this is erotic power exchange, just enjoy – might be pure and simple joy and fun. There are a lot of other simple ways to bring out the same eroticism. For example, allow him to “order” you to cook a wonderful candlelight dinner for the two of you. That will probably make a nice entree to pure enjoyment too.

The examples above are simple and very erotic and intimate forms of role play without all the heavy stuff and they – or other ways – may bring about a wonderful way to experience what you yourself like and what not. Letting him pick your clothes for a change, you doing simple things to please him and he being receptive to that and responding to it, all of that is erotic power exchange and that may appeal to him as well as to you without the heavy stuff. The idea is to learn and play and BOTH try and experiment with FUN things, without the stress, the need, etcetera.

Will this go further? Who is to say. That totally depends on the two of you. But do try. It isn’t as scary as it seems as you can see (or at least it doesn’t have to be). It offers both of you a possibility to explore, for him to learn and understand that the trick (in any erotic power exchange setting) is subtlety and NOT the heavy stuff (most of what you see is pornography and has little to do with the things people do in their homes).

By all means do talk about this, communicate and exchange what both of you can and can not do. That goes for you too and should be respected.

By: Hans Meijer